Forgive and forget. It’s a well known saying that some firmly believe in while others have a difficult time grasping the concept. Whether you have been at odds with an old friend or a particular family member, carrying a grudge is not healthy for your spirit or your mental state. Life is so much simpler than what we make of it. Much of what we carry in our personal lives is because WE choose to make it a burden or a nuisance. By carrying a grudge against that person, you are choosing to let them affect you.

Does anyone enjoy being angry and hurt? Does anyone enjoy saying negative things about someone? They say misery loves company, and there is truth to that. Think of a time that you were filling in a friend on something that another friend did to you and they didn’t feel the same way you did. Did you get defensive or elaborate more on the story to get them to change their mind? Did you start your sentences with “Well what you don’t understand is…..” or anything else to get them on your side? We do this to get people to feel for us and sympathize with our misery. We want them to agree that that person was out of line and deserves being in the doghouse. We need to justify why we feel so mad and hurt and don’t want to let it go. Of course, everyone has experienced this in their life. I will be honest and admit that I have been one of those people. I can’t even tell you my reasoning for holding onto negative feelings towards someone and allowing hurt and anguish to control a situation that is ancient history, but I can tell you that when I learned to forgive and forget, my life changed instantly.

There are levels of forgiveness. For example, forgiving your sister for ruining your favorite dress is much easier than forgiving your best friend for sleeping with your boyfriend. And forgiving your best friend for sleeping with your boyfriend is much easier than forgiving your father for years and years of abuse. But the bottom line is, harboring any kind of ill feelings toward someone is never healthy and the only way to get past it is through forgiveness.

If you are choosing to forgive someone that you are keeping in your life, then you need to resolve the issue and forgive. By resolving the issue, forgiving and choosing to accept someone back in your life, you need to bury the hatchet for good. You are LETTING IT GO through FORGIVENESS. The whole point of forgiveness is moving past the situation and moving forward towards the future. If you keep bringing up that past incident (or incidents) after telling someone you have forgiven them, then you truly haven’t forgiven that person and are still full of unresolved issues. It isn’t fair to the person if you told them you are willing to give them a second chance and it’s definitely not doing you any good either.

It is also perfectly fine to forgive someone, but choose to not have them in your life anymore. If someone constantly hurts you, disappoints you or screws you around, you don’t need them in your life. Forgiveness is the best medicine for getting over a bad situation. When you forgive someone that you no longer want in your life, you don’t even have to tell that person you are doing it! You can be content in your own heart that you have let it go and moving on and that person and the situation is in the past. If you ever happen to run into that person, you can offer a civil hello and be on your way. You will ultimately see a positive return whenever you forgive someone because you have chosen not to let your past hurt debilitate you. That’s what strong women are made of!

So how can you forgive someone? First, try these steps: